PROJECT TITLE: "BORN LOSER: LOSING TO WIN" - CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER 5

It was six months since Chitra had joined the household and it was nearly the beginning of the summer vacation for the mother. Chitra was really happy. After a long time in her life she felt alive and sensual.

The ritual of the baby sucking her dry breasts had continued all the more frequently and Chitra did not bother to masturbate in the toilet but began doing so while the baby remained on her lap sucking her breasts. In moments of orgasmic frenzy Chitra would gently lift the child up above her so that the bud of the baby’s penis was in front of her face and she would then gently kiss and suck the penis while the baby gurgled and cooed in delight.

Thus life went on in the small household until the summer holidays dawned upon the family. The mother was only too happy to get a forty five day break from work after a whole year of toil and looked forward to spend her time with the baby. However, the baby seemed more interested in spending time with Chitra. The mother felt bad about this but was able to accept this for after all Chitra spent more time with the child than the mother. The mother had a wonderful holiday. She would go shopping or visit her relatives with her baby and Chitra in tow and they enjoyed traveling to and fro by public transport bus, browsing shop windows while walking on crowded streets; they did them all.

The vacations were nearly over and the mother began to prepare herself for the coming academic year. She would then become busy as a bee and would not even have time to have a decent and long drawn bath. The thought of a bath in the evening made the mother feel like having one as the summer was very humid and she was constantly sweating. She took her towel and change of clothes and went into the bathroom to have a languorous long drawn bath. The bathroom at her house was very ill equipped and had only a tap with a big bucket underneath as the only source of water. She took out the wooden stool that she used to sit near the bucket while bathing.

Chitra had been very restless. The summer had been a rather painful period for her. The mother’s presence ensured that she could not freely let the baby suck her breasts. Neither could she kiss and guzzle the little penis of the little baby. It was only during moments when the mother went to the loo or had a bath or went upto the nearby grocery store that Chitra could open up her breasts to the baby.

As soon as the mother went into the bathroom, Chitra snatched up the baby from the cradle and went into the kitchen where she sat on the floor with the baby on her lap. She then opened her blouse and allowed her firm breasts to spill out of her bra into the warm welcoming mouth of the baby. As the baby lay on her lap while Chitra sat cross legged on the floor it was easy for Chitra to gently slide her hand into her petticoat and gently stroke her vagina with her slender fingers. Swiftly separating her pubic hair around her lips she found her clitoris and began gently rubbing her fingers over it. Soon as always a massive orgasm heaved Chitra heavenward. However, Chitra was not satisfied. While waiting for the orgasm to subside Chitra gently nibbled and sucked the penis of the child. To her delight the child gently started pissing into her mouth. She burst out laughing, took the penis out of her mouth and allowed the child to pee on the floor.

The mother kept soaking herself in the cold water as the heat escaped from her body. She looked for her favourite brand of sandal toilet soap and found that it was exhausted. She had forgotten to take a fresh bar and now she realized that she was stuck without soap. She called out to Chitra several times but to no avail as Chitra was busy in the kitchen. She then decided to drape her towel around her and come out to pick up the soap from the small store room next to the kitchen.

After the child had peed and Chitra had cleaned up the mess, she was filled with an urge to experience another orgasm. She once again sat on the floor with her back to the kitchen door and opened her blouse again to allow the child easy access to her breasts. The sucking of the baby over the past six months had made her breasts appear more fruity & ripe. The mango shaped breasts had rounded up & were more luscious than ever before. The nipples were more defined and in their eagerness to enjoy the suckling mouth of the baby were taut & prickled all over. Chitra gladly took the baby into her arms and let the baby feed on her left breast. The baby had become more adept at tasting the nipples and now freely rolled its tongue over them and this excited Chitra all the more.

The sense of comfort and security that the baby derived from sucking those breasts could never be understood by even the most educated minds. Chitra’s whole being crescendoed with the onset of another orgasm making her lift the baby in ecstasy and sucking its penis with wild abandon & joy.

The mother draped a towel around herself rather irritably  Her idyllic sojourn in the bathroom had been disturbed by the lack of a toilet soap. She had tried to salvage the situation by calling for Chitra but the blessed woman seemed to have vanished somewhere. She therefore opened the bathroom door and walked over to the small store room where all the household consumables including soaps were kept.On stepping out of the store room after picking up the bar of soap that she had wanted, she wondered where Chitra had gotten to. 

PROJECT TITLE: "BORN LOSER: LOSING TO WIN" - CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER 4

The next morning things moved smoothly. The baby was no trouble at all as Chitra ascertained that the baby was completely happy. She took the baby out into the backyard and made the baby watch the plants, flowers and birds while she named them for the baby to learn and understand. The baby cooed and crooned as it enjoyed the morning air. Moreover, it was not witnessing the parents getting ready and the sense of fear that was produced normally as they left for work was not there today.

Once the parents had gone, Chitra fed the baby with cereals and milk. The withdrawal from tobacco was now complete and the baby was hungrier than ever. Chitra cradled the baby in her arms and talked to it in endearing terms. The baby nestled comfortably and nudged her breast.

The baby had not been breast fed properly by the mother as she had been forced to rejoin college three months after the birth of the baby. Once she had rejoined she had asked the principal for permission to go home in between classes and breast feed the baby. However, this had not worked out as desired and she had to completely abandon breast feeding by the end of the fifth month as the Principal had turned rude since her frequent visits home were affecting her work in the college.

Chitra was amused by the Baby’s nudging at her dry breasts. Poor child, she thought as the baby repeatedly kept nudging her right breast. The baby then tried to mouth the nipple of her breast through the fabric of her blouse and Chitra felt an electrifying sensation course through her entire body. A pleasant tingling sensation emerged from her breast and radiated everywhere. Chitra had hardly lived with her husband for two years before he had died and had been untouched by a male for the past fifteen years.

In short, Chitra was starved of sex and had even forgotten how it was to be with a Man. The baby’s incessant nudging and attempts at mouthing her breast had made the thin fabric of her cotton blouse completely wet. The baby had succeeded in awakening sensations that Chitra had been suppressing all these years and it disturbed her very much. In a trance as it were, she eased off the hooks that fastened her blouse and undid her bra straps. She gently revealed her breast and the baby grabbed it with its mouth and suckled hungrily. Chitra had very firm mango shaped luscious breasts with pert nipples that had swollen and turned taut with desire.

As the child sucked and gently chewed on her right nipple, Chitra experienced an ache of longing in her left breast and realized that her other breast too was demanding a piece of the action. She then gently and lovingly kissed on the forehead and cheeks of the child and turned him around so that his face came in contact with her left breast. The child unhesitatingly opened its mouth around the taut areola and sucked greedily while chewing it softly with its newly emerging teeth and gums.

The child sucked steadily at Chitra’s breasts contentedly. Initially, it was disappointed at not finding any milk flowing out as a result of its sucking but was fascinated by the natural sweetness of her breasts. They were indeed sweet to taste and the baby loved sucking them in turns. Gradually the baby drifted off into a blissful sleep with a sense of security and contentment it had not experienced before.

As the baby gently tugged and sucked at her breasts Chitra did not want the sensations to stop. Without her realizing it, her hands moved to the napkin draped around the baby’s loins. She gently removed it and looked in wonder and awe at the tiny male organ of the baby. Irresistibly her hand was drawn to the baby’s testicles which she stroked gently. She did not expect to see what she saw but lo and behold, as her hand stroked the small peanut sized testicles of the baby, the baby’s penis stirred and attempted to rise up of its own accord. The small penis appeared to blossom before her very eyes and like the opening out of a lily bud did attempt to stiffen and grow.

Chitra had by now become completely wet between her legs and the baby had dozed off into peaceful sleep. Quietly she laid the baby in the cradle and went to the bathroom to wash herself between her legs. While washing herself, Chitra’s thoughts turned to her husband and for the first time in her life after having become a widow she gently stroked her clitoris. She imagined her husband making love to her and very soon a massive Tsunami of an orgasm broke out making her float on a cloud after having released all her pent up desires.

The day proceeded smoothly and the baby remained well behaved throughout the day. The mother who returned for lunch and later in the evening after the day’s work found the baby cheerful. The baby greeted the mother eagerly and Chitra rather reluctantly handed over the baby and then went into the kitchen to organize supper as per the instructions of the mistress.

PROJECT TITLE: "BORN LOSER: LOSING TO WIN" - CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER 2

The old crone waited until she watched the behind of her mistress disappear across the street. She then went into the house to find the baby wailing piteously at being separated from its mother. She knew that she had to silence the baby if she were to start her treasure hunt immediately. She had seen the mistress buy ten kilogrammes of fine quality rice and five kilogrammes of wheat along with other consumables for the kitchen only last evening. She would neatly lift a quarter of all the raw food stuff and then focus on the durables. She also knew that the Man of the house had left a few currency notes and coins inside his wooden bureau which he considered locked but the old crone had a way with locks that would put any burglar to shame and she planned to dip her fingers into this stash today. 

However, she had to shut the baby first and she wondered what to do? A fibre of tobacco that she had been chewing upon had lodged between her teeth and caught her attention. It was then that a brilliant flash of an idea exploded in her mind. She poured out half a bottle of milk into a glass and fed the baby the remaining milk in the bottle. The baby’s wail subsided. The woman then took out a small pellet of the chewed tobacco from her mouth and put it under the lower lip tissue of the baby. The child not knowing the toxic nature of the small bit of tobacco gently sucked on it only to find a bitter taste in its mouth. The child gagged on the tobacco but continued to suck on it. The child wanted water but the old crone made no move to give it water. In minutes the child’s movements subsided. The gentle wail was replaced by a sleepy countenance and the child began to feel as if it was on a wild roller coaster roundabout or a giant Ferris wheel though it had never had a ride on any of them before.

The infant then drifted off into a deep sleep like it never had before. The child slowly started dreaming. In its dreams it saw its parents fondling it and kissing it with love. The parents did not leave the baby alone and kept taking care of its needs with love and devotion.

The old woman realised that the child had drifted off into deep slumber. She stopped rocking the cradle and got up to embark on her expedition of theft. The infant lay knocked out to the world, while the parents slogged their way upwards in life to give what they thought was a better life to that dear child.

The old crone looked at the clock which was well past twelve noon. She knew her mistress; the mother of the infant would return at one in the afternoon and have lunch here. She would then serve the old maid with food and then tend to the baby with the baby – food in a bowl, crooning happily all the while and playing with the child until two in the afternoon when she had to return to college.

The old crone was worried today. She had successfully foraged rations and thirty five rupees in cash and had managed to pass it on her nephew who had come promptly at eleven in the morning to collect the loot. However, what worried the old woman was the fact that the child had not woken up from its slumber in spite of her sprinkling water on the face of the child. While the pulse of the child was steady, the child continued to sleep undisturbed by its external environment.

“What would happen when the mother returned for lunch and asked her the reason for the baby sleeping continuously?” the old hag wondered. Obviously she could not tell the mistress that the child was sleeping under the effects of the tobacco that she had administered. She thought out her reply carefully. She would tell the mistress that the child had been playing until noon after which it had dozed off. The explanation seemed alright but wouldn't the mother feel curious to know why the baby still showed no inclination of getting up? The old maid decided she would join the mother in wondering about the same and act as if she couldn't fathom why.          

The mistress of the house hurried down the lane as she made her usual hurried visit to her home to check that all was well with her babe. The new academic year had just begun. She was also busy with preparing a time table for her classes at various hours of the day. She preferred her classes in the afternoon after two p.m as it would be relatively cooler at that time but since she could not accommodate all the classes within that narrow time frame she had to juggle her classes so that she was relatively free in the mornings. 

The mother had a pile of work this afternoon and was just rushing back home to have a look at the baby and check that everything was OK. Added to her normal routine was the task of inventorying the equipment at the lab and ensuring that the broken equipment were repaired or alternatively scrapping them while simultaneously ordering replacements and new equipment.

As she walked into the house the mother knew that things were not too well. The old crone greeted her mistress furtively and informed her that the baby had fallen asleep after noon.

The mother gently caressed the forehead of the baby to check if it had fever. Ascertaining that everything was alright, she tried to wake up the baby by rubbing its chest and gently tickling its sides. The baby showed no inclination of waking up, and the mother went into the dining room and served herself some lunch. She gazed pensively at her child as she chewed her food.

Why was the baby sleeping at this odd hour, she wondered. Wouldn't the baby wake up in hunger? The child had had its last feed of a bottle of milk – she didn't know it was only half a bottle – at around ten thirty in the morning. It was already more than three hours. Wouldn't the baby be hungry? On completing her lunch, she quickly prepared the baby food, boiled milk and sterilized the feeding bottle. Once both were ready; she tried one last time to wake up the baby. Finding it futile, she picked up her bag and went back to college.

The old hag heaved a sigh of relief. She left the sleeping baby alone to have her lunch and then sit outside the house and chat with the neighboring slum women.

The child woke up at three thirty in the afternoon - a good five hours after it had gone to sleep. The old maid had come into the house to get her friends and herself a cup of tea when the child showed signs of movement. The old woman rocked the cradle a bit and the movement made the child wake up.

The woman fed the baby as the baby was indeed hungry and then washed and changed the nappy and clothes of the baby.

The tired mother returned home at six thirty in the evening. The old maid handed over the baby, mumbled her good byes and left for the day. The mother was happy to see the smiling face of the baby without realizing the harm that that the old crone had subjected the baby to. Her husband would return at seven thirty or eight and she began to prepare dinner while talking to the baby who gurgled on a mat on the floor of the dining room. 

The father returned after eight at night. after which the mother fed the child and tried putting it to sleep. Meanwhile, the father who had washed and cleaned himself after his day’s labour amidst dusty files, sat down at the dining table for his supper. The mother was in a quandary for the child refused to sleep. She therefore picked up the baby from the cradle and served her husband dinner with one hand while the other clasped the child.

PROJECT TITLE: "BORN LOSER: LOSING TO WIN" - THE PROLOGUE

PROLOGUE

Let me start by saying that I’m a total fart and a complete jerk. Yes, that’s true…  I ain’t belittling myself but merely stating a fact. 

At last, I am giving vent to an urge that has been deep inside me and at the outset, I would like to seek the blessings of God Almighty who has been my Lord, Guide and Mentor, my Master and most importantly my Teacher; who has been guiding me all these years and has been motivating me and compelling me to express myself through these writings.

I must admit that I am an ordinary simpleton who has nothing much to contribute to the ways of the world for I am not worldly wise or world savvy as you may like to put it. Inspite of being blessed by God and being favoured by him in all aspects of life I have continually fucked up my life until God himself became disgusted with me.

I believe that the whole world is illusory and therefore false but yet find it difficult to get out of the desires of this world. Having realized this at a very early stage, I turned my attention towards seeking Truth and understanding Truth. In my search for Truth I have experienced great suffering and mental agony.

I have been labeled as a madman by this materialistic world, which found my behaviour totally irrational and negative. I have deliberately subjected my mind to great turmoil and have also forcibly bent my mind using mind altering substances to look at the world differently and have a different perception of reality, as we know it today.  While it may appear to be fun, there has been a lot of pain along the way....

Just to walk along the cliff's edge and see the view may have been fun and certainly a learning experience for me but it has caused a lot of heart ache; heart burn and heart break for my friends, family as well as my very dear loved ones.

As a bachelor doing all the things I did, I only made my parents sad and worried and gained a reputation as a crazy nut, an addict and a good for nothing fellow.

As a lover, I have caused great pain to those whom I was romantically attracted to for they simply could not understand my motives and found me too weird for their liking; as a result, they all ditched me to save themselves without realising I was more interested in their welfare and well being than my own.

As a spouse, I caused much hardship for my wife as I stubbornly insisted on walking the edge of the cliff while she looked down and became scared fearing not only for herself but for my own self.

As a father, I really did not care for my duties as a parent and was selfishly interested in my own pursuits. Now I realise the price all of them have paid for my walking the edge of the cliff and having fun.... It is amazing fun as well as tedious exercise.

I have frittered away an entire life time in what I thought was right and now I am left here with body battered, soul wounded, and life ebbing away. I have been accused by this world of being a nut with a persecution complex, a drug addict, a drunkard, a two-timer, an egoistic person and so on and so forth. Maybe they are all right and I’m actually all these things rolled into one. Nobody could see anything good about me and maybe they are right.

But as I sit here hurt and mortally wounded, I begin to write this in the hope that the world may look at me the way no one else did and understand me a little better and pray that the people’s curses be removed, even if I’m not praised in my endeavour to tell you the truth.

I have sought Truth in this world and within me. l personally believe that a  seeker of Truth in this world can be compared to a warrior who fights many losing battles and doesn't win any of them. Never the less, he does not give up hope. A warrior, who, in spite of constant failures and defeats, trudges on towards the path of Truth. All my life, I strove to be one such warrior and destiny did not let me down for it provided me opportunities to lose battle after battle.

The narrative that I’m about to embark upon is something, which truly happened. However, I have tried to protect the true identities of the characters herein and have therefore made them appear differently.

I have finally decided, to tell the world about myself and the inner torment that has been locked within; for all these years. I am not a celebrity or an opinion leader whose life may be of interest to the average reader. I am only an ordinary guy with an extraordinary tale to tell.

I was born as the only child of working parents and I grew up without the support system of a joint family thereby being cursed to a life of loneliness from the time I was born. My mother went back to her career after 3 months of my birth and remained committed to her career until her retirement. I grew up in the care of an assortment of maids and servants in a steady procession. "Maids may come and maids may go; but my loneliness remained forever" could very well have been the anthem of my childhood.

So read on about this fool who was only a loser and let my experiences and losses make you wise...